w3e1come to dass page

I wonder how long it will take before I become merely awkward strangers with my JC friends. 2 years? 10 years?

Haha. it has been a long time since my last post. I think i probably wont have posted this either, if not for the fact that I know people would still be able to read this. Had i used something like blogspot, which depends on ppl bothering to visit your blog, i think any post i make would probably have a readership of one (counting me). so i guess with friends' page, i dont have to remember that none of you people think i am alive anymore and i can expect some reponse to this (hint hint).

well. life has really been good since the end of A levels. hanging out more with my church friends, yet maintaining the friends i have in school. i think i have finally embraced the wild child in me, since i virtually go out everyday in december. that came with a price though, since i cleaned out my atm card which had 900 dollars initially...

january seems much duller in comparison... i think i have started to coop myself at home, while reverting back to the introverted activities of my past, such as reading, gaming and generally being an negligible part of society. that MIGHT be due to the aforementioned black hole known as my atm card, but i have also felt that some of the excitement after the end of A levels have died down somewhat.

starting to work for my SATs on 23 jan, and im glad to say that things are looking great! If I assume an essay score of 5x2=10 (not sure if this is realistic, someone enlighten me if i am wrong), my first practice test is scored at 2230. being above the generally viewed baseline of 2200, i guess i am satisfied? anyway this SAT really made me realise that my english is not as good as i thought it is. with a pathetic score of 690/800 for my critical reading, i think i really have to spank myself. luckily an 800 for maths is within reach, since its really easy. musnt get complacent though.

hmm. not sure if I am going to post again before my NS, so i might as well talk about that too. feb 4 is really looming, and i can say that i have mixed feelings. the typical reservations are there: what if i cannot adjust to the military lifestyle? what if i get dead bored without all my luxuries? what if i get bullied? and what if... THE TOILETS SUCK???

but above all that, i think there is this natural male instinct in me that have laid dormant for the past 18 years. the desire for aggression, for combat, for violence, passed down from our ancestors in the chaotic past. at times i feel rejuvenised by this overpowering desire for the adrenalin-pumping battlefield and to relive the glory days of massacres and total masculinity. that is primarily the sole reason for the mixed feelings, with half of me wanting to stay at home and live a comfortable lifestyle, and the other half wanting to run out there and be a man.

im afraid though, very afraid, of what NS will do to me. so far, i like who i am. i am a bit of a crybaby, sentimental, the typical makings of a SNAG. while making me a man is great, im not sure if i want to lose all these "unmanly" traits of me. what if when i come out, i no longer like what i have become? i would rather still run and scream when i see a cockroach than to lose the various emotional vulnerabilities of me that i have grown to accept and love. hmm. guess its now no longer half-half, but rather 0.7 wuss and 0.3 crazy maniac.

sigh. the terrors of having no internet.

im stuck here trying to come up with something to say, but because i am living on the mercies of my little brother, with him establishing a type of monopoly over the modem (no router, so he directly connects), and so i can only talk random shit here while he looks over my shoulder.

yea you like that. im crapping about you while you are reading this. so there.

a lot of things on my mind...

shall go back and mull over them before i sleep. 

what if i have reached the specific day, will i feel any different?
what if i have reached the specific hour, will i feel any different?
what if i have reached the specific minute, will i feel any different?
what if i have reached the specific moment, will i feel any different?
what if i have already passed the specific moment?

is this the point where i feel a glowing light burning from within and burst out through all of my orifices, and then yell "Level Up!"?
is this the point where i suddenly realise that i have completed Stage 5 and is going to progress to Stage 6, where stronger bosses await?
is this the point where i win the prefectural competitions in some manga, and qualifies for the nationals, where superhuman teams will be aplenty?

who knows. but i will probably be awake, waiting with bated breath. constantly wondering: "is this it?", "or is this it?", "or...?".

DING. LEVEL CLEAR. YOU HAVE QUALIFIED FOR THE NEXT ROUND.

"Dear Lord,

I want to do my best to fulfil the potential you have given me.

Help me:

- to stay calm

- to keep things in perspective and be content with the best I can do on the day

- to look out for my friends who need a bit of encouragement, and

- to always remember that the real test is how closely I can follow in your way."

"For I am convinced that neither entry requirements nor exam results, neither anticipation nor doubts, neither success nor failure, nor any expectations, neither last minute fears nor anxieties, nor anything else in life, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Amen.

http://www.cofe.anglican.org/news/pr4809.html

I just love their lyrics! Its so fun to listen to!

"I almost got drunk at school, at fourteen
Where I almost made out with the Homecoming Queen
Who almost went on to be Miss Texas
But lost to a slut, with much bigger breast-es
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day"
-Almost by Bowling for Soup

"Don't hate us 'cause we're happy
Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful
Don't hate us if we make you smile
Or if we go the extra mile
To make someone feel better
on a really shitty day
And if you're hearing what I'm saying then
I want to hear you say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!)
Say, "I'm gay!" (I'm gay!) "
-I'm Gay by Bowling for Soup

"And I can still see your dad
Running after me with a shovel in his hand
I don't remember much after that"
-Running From Your Dad by Bowling for Soup

"What big eyes you have
The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad
So, just to see that you don't get chased
I think I ought to walk with you for a way

What full lips you have
They're sure to lure someone bad
So, untill you get to grandma's place
I think you ought to walk, with me and be safe"
-Lil' Red Riding Hood (Cover) by Bowling For Soup

i dont wanna know how much time they spent on it >.>

i didn't broaden my knowledge

but i enriched the life of another

i didn't pay any heed to the warnings of the teachers

but i listened to my conscience

i didn't think about how stressed i will be tomorrow

but i considered how uncomfortable it must have been for the past few negligent weeks

i didn't do my duty as a student

but i did my duty as a compassionate young man

i didn't study literature for tomorrow's test

but i cleaned the hamster cage

even though the name was the same, it just didnt mean the same thing.

they intended it for someone popular, not someone anonymous.
and they did it consciously, whereas mine was an accident.

what i got was the residue. it was all i can do to close my eyes and imagine that name, which was my name, was actually my name.

but it felt like shit.

Saturday
Pray for divine mercy

Sunday
Read through Econs notes
Memorise definitions
Do brief frameworks
Find my Intl Hist notes

Monday
Get an A for Econs
Ask someone to help me with Apps of Diff and Integration
Do a paper if there is time

Tuesday
Get an A for Maths 1
Read through Intl Hist notes
Memorise all factors and evidence

Wednesday
Get an A for Intl Hist
Read LDJ and Wilfred Owen
Read Wilfred Owen again
Tear up Wilfred Owen in frustration

Thursday
Brainstorm about themes
Ask random people for help
Give up

Friday
Get a U for Lit 3
Cry
Photocopy missing SEA notes

Saturday
Beg for divine mercy

Sunday
Read through SEA Hist notes
Arrange evidence into factors

Monday
Memorise factors and evidence

Tuesday
Get an A for SEA Hist
Finish up Sampling and Hypo Testing

Wednesday
Finish up C&C
Do a paper
Do another paper

Thursday
Get an A for Maths 2
Either: Breathe a sigh or relief
Or: Hide in a corner and sob

Japanese
Kamikorosu

English
1. to stifle a smile, yawn etc
2. to bite to death

either the translator sucks, or the japanese language is some evil shit designed to kill people like me by making me think they are going to be "stifling a yawn", when they are actually going to stifle my life.

tried to start on econs

failed to understand anything

tried to come up with my own essay framework

failed to write more than a few lines

tried reading other people's model essays

understand what they are saying, but would never have thought to write what they had written

gave up

booked an hour of consultation with mr andrew tan

came up with a rough idea of what to ask

and now i feel accomplished.

End of Prelims Day 1

GP Essay
GP Compre

Lit Unseen
Lit Beloved
Lit TIOBE

please dont drag me down.

just when i wanted to shut down and sleep

MY TORRENT SPEED JUMPED UP TO 130KBPS. DAMNIT... IT JUST HAS TO BE RIGHT WHEN I WANT TO SHUT DOWN. WHEN I WAS LEAVING MY COM ON THE WHOLE DAY WHILE DOING LIT, YOU BARELY GO PAST 10 KBPS. YOU FICKLE FICKLE SEEDERS.

ok it dropped to 75kbps. but still.. DAMN IT!

if not for the fact that it hurts so much, its quite hilarious really.

but i just did my conscience a world of good by wishing my teachers a happy teachers' day on their facebook walls.

hope they have a great time today, while their poor students mug their heads out =(

watching the movie on channel 5 now. first time i saw a terry pratchett book in movie form.

i hope it wont suck, though so far its only average.

i stared at this blank box, and i dont really know what i want to say. i just felt like typing something out cos i dont wanna let this thing go dead just cos of studying and all..

ah well, perhaps as i squeeze out inane lines after inane lines, i will actually think of something of substance to say.

sigh... i guess everything that i think off goes back in some ways to love...

yet, i dont really have anything new to say about it that i havent already.

this must be the most boring post ever.

yawn.

in no particular order

brown university
columbia university
dartmouth college
UC berkeley

what a joke. i don't have any safeties.

they laughed then. a rusty chuckle at first and then more, louder and louder until stamp took out his pocket handkerchief and wiped his eyes while paul d pressed the heel of his hand in his own. as the scene neither one had witnessed took shape before them, its seriousness and its embarrassment made them shake with laughter.

"every time a whiteman come to the door she got to kill somebody?"

"for all she know, the man could be coming for the rent."

"good thing they don't deliver mail out that way."

"wouldn't nobody get no letter."

"except the postman."

"be a mighty hard message."

"and his last."

i dont know if its because its nearing the end of the book, or that compared to the rest of the book, its a comedy film, but i just found it really funny.

me? me?